Arkangel - 4x02

[NurseRatched]

"Arkangel" is the second episode of the fourth series of anthology series Black Mirror. It was written by Charlie Brooker and directed by Jodie Foster. The episode first aired on Netflix, along with the rest of series four, on 29 December 2017. A new spin on motherhood.

Worried about her daughter's safety, single mom Marie signs up for a cutting-edge device that monitors the girl's whereabouts - and much more.

[Lori]

Am I the only one with a propensity to watch things in order? Must. Fix. That. I am too predictable.

Arkangel was not Big Brother, but rather Big Mother. It asks the question of where the lines are drawn between protection, overprotection, and invasion of privacy. As parents, this is a constant question we will struggle with our entire lives. It also strings together a series of events that painfully explores cause and effect, "If only I would have done this. If only I had refrained from doing that." Nothing is black and white, as is the case with most Black Mirror episodes.

You cannot hate a mother for loving too tightly. You cannot hate a daughter for rebelling and taking offense. You cannot prove a negative. In other words, we do not know the outcome had this parent continued a complete 'hands off' policy. For me, it speaks to those little whispered fears that constantly float around inside the head of a parent, much like smoke before a fire. Sometimes things get so close to the edge, the fire alarm goes off and we react. How strongly we do so is always a question of fine crafting. This was a single mom whose own experiences shaped her fears. Then, she seemed to create that which she feared the most...losing her daughter and pushing her into a more dangerous place than had she ignored the problem or approached it in a lighter honest fashion. Did her overprotection blind her daughter to real dangers? Did it make her daughter a thrill seeker who tiptoes on the edge? We will never know, however, what the possible alternate outcomes could have been.

I think those of us who are parents have dealt with these questions on a lot of levels. The Internet made it impossible not to exact some sort of intervention, whether it be to prevent predators or simply avoid hours and hours in front of a computer in a Selfie nation. One person's intervention is another person's invasion. In a new world, there were new concerns and countermeasures we had to consider in our parenting plan that our own parents did not ponder much (perhaps erroneously).

This was a very good episode - not my favorite, but very good.

[NurseRatched]

It asks the question of where the lines are drawn between protection, overprotection, and invasion of privacy. As parents, this is a constant question we will struggle with our entire lives.

You cannot hate a mother for loving too tightly. You cannot hate a daughter for rebelling and taking offense. You cannot prove a negative. In other words, we do not know the outcome had this parent continued a complete 'hands off' policy. For me, it speaks to those little whispered fears that constantly float around inside the head of a parent, much like smoke before a fire. Sometimes things get so close to the edge, the fire alarm goes off and we react. How strongly we do so is always a question of fine crafting. This was a single mom whose own experiences shaped her fears. Then, she seemed to create that which she feared the most...losing her daughter and pushing her into a more dangerous place than had she ignored the problem or approached it in a lighter honest fashion. Did her overprotection blind her daughter to real dangers? Did it make her daughter a thrill seeker who tiptoes on the edge? We will never know, however, what the possible alternate outcomes could have been.

I think those of us who are parents have dealt with these questions on a lot of levels. The Internet made it impossible not to exact some sort of intervention, whether it be to prevent predators or simply avoid hours and hours in front of a computer in a Selfie nation. One person's intervention is another person's invasion. In a new world, there were new concerns and countermeasures we had to consider in our parenting plan that our own parents did not ponder much-

This one struck a somber chord; my friends and I talk about this very thing-how much surveillance is too much? Lori, I like the way you've identified that she created what she feared the most. And the "little whispered fears" are constant! This extreme mothering is appealing on the surface. I have often wished to know more, as the mother of two teenage boys who NEVER divulge anything! Wouldn't we all like to cushion our kids from certain pitfalls in life? We have friends that didn't do any type of social media/text checks on their kids. Another is a little too obsessive. I'm somewhere in between. But kids find a way to conceal their activities, no matter what. Fake Instagram and twitter accounts have put a fresh face on lying to parents. Parenting is incredibly difficult & each kid is so unique; you just have to trust that you've given them the tools to navigate out of situations. The helicoptering is not helpful & creates an adult who can't cope or learn from failures (they haven't been allowed TO fail & rise out of it).

I did think it was interesting that she didn't necessarily confront her daughter on what she'd seen. In the end, it all blew up; I felt sorry for her daughter, really. Such an extreme invasion of privacy! I'm not much for critical reviews; movies, TV, etc. I liked this one so much because it zeroed in on something I've struggled with for years.

I haven't met a "Black Mirror" episode I didn't enjoy; I just want to be entertained and it always delivers. The episodes are always thought-provoking and well done. Love this series!

[Lori]

Right - she didn't confront her and then it suddenly snowballed out of control. (I do wish there was a chip like that to blur things while I am shopping at WalMart...) Additionally, there was an only child. That exacerbates the helicopter parenting (ask my son) with this one shot at doing something right and trying to help create a human you can actually like for the rest of your life. Truly, the goal is to provide them the tools to thrive. It is so very hard under the best circumstances. I always hoped that love would serve me better than my computer skills, though my son and I played hopscotch through cyberspace as he circumvented my efforts!

[Dee]

I thought this was an excellent episode, cutting edge, hideously disturbing and utterly thought provoking. It has forcefully addressed some of the greatest dilemmas parents face. Having read two stellar mothers' reflections here already, I can only join you in this crazy minefield of trying to do the right thing as a parent. There are two stages brought in focus here, where we can fall down doing the wrong thing, or help, support even save our children.

Stage 1: Do we rely simply on what our children show and tell us about their lives? Or if we have concerns and they are not forthcoming in disclosing information, how far do we go in trying to get this information ourselves?

Stage 2: Once we know there is a problem: what do we do? It's hard enough to draw the line between constructive support and bail out that removes responsibility when they turn to us for help, but when they don't actively ask for help, it gets much more difficult. I can't even imagine how excruciating it must be when parents find things out from other sources, or without their children's consent. And I have seen cases when sadly this was necessary.

The crux of the matter is that we will never know. We can only play things out one way or another. Like this mother did. She always did what she thought was best for her daughter, or their relationship, we can't fault her on that.

She nearly lost her daughter, so she got a monitor to make sure it would never happen again. She wanted to protect her from seeing horrible and upsetting things in her young years. When she understood that this was counterproductive, she switched off the parental controls, and eventually put the monitor away. But when her 15 year old daughter didn't come home when promised and then she found out Sarah had lied to her about where she was going and the mother had exhausted every possible avenues in finding her daughter, who can blame her for unearthing the monitor? And after what she had seen, how awkward it must have been to admit it to her daughter?

I think this was the point where perhaps she should have confessed, and initiated an honest discussion with her daughter, but she couldn't face it. And when she saw her snorting cocain, that tripped things over the edge for her. She decided to interfere and made a huge mistake going behind her daughter's back and putting her through the hell of feeling rejected for no apparent reason. Then the abortion pill to top it all. But from the mother's point of view, this made perfect sense: remove the disruptive influence from her daughter's life (she will get over a little heartbreak) and remove the anguish of having to deal with an unplanned teenage pregnancy. She had no right to do these things, yet she was convinced she was acting in her daughter's best interest.

So what would have happened if she didn't pick up the monitor that fateful night? If she had called the police instead, or just waited up for Sarah? She would have not found out about the boyfriend, the cocain... possibly not even the pregnancy. Or she would have found out when things have escalated. Pregnancy already showing... drug addiction... would she have become and addict, or would she really have only tried it out the once? Would she have kept the baby? We will never know. And Sarah was not allowed to make these decisions for herself. The consequence is unbearable. Mother and daughter separated and quite possibly never to be reconciled.

The other important question is how much Sarah's character development was defined by the existence of this monitor? We do know she was considered an odd-ball in school, for being so sheltered and naive. Then all at once she was showered in the harsh reality and some more. Would she have become a rebellious thrill seeker teenager anyway, like Lori has asked? I certainly think the monitor has at the least contributed.

So where does this episode leave us? Besides highlighting what we already knew: parenting is the hardest thing to do? I think it's a cautionary tale not to shelter children too much from the harsh realities of life, and also to make sure we maintain the best possible levels of communication with them. I think it is a good idea to admit it to them sometimes how hard it is for us to do the right thing as a parent, as long as they are reassured that everything we ever do is done with their best interest at heart. What more can anyone do?

[NurseRatched]

Well-articulated, Dee! I second your .

I think this was the point where perhaps she should have confessed, and initiated an honest discussion with her daughter, but she couldn't face it.

I agree; at least there was a chance to open up some dialogue between them. Instead, when Sarah found out about it, there was only blind anger and hatred-too late for a mom/daughter chat!