Sharpening Your Images - The Five Senses

[Dee]

Your Happiness

is an elusive barbel hiding
deep in the dark waters
its power and wild form
hardly detectable
in the tangle of confusing weed
and the murky undercurrents
of a turbulent river
it is still
so still
waiting for the right signal to emerge
but not yet
not yet

not
just
yet

~ AP

[Lori]

Beautiful and sad, Mz. A.

For me, "its power and wild form hardly detectable" hit so uniquely and descriptively. To think of the burning core of happiness this way is very interesting and deeply spot on. Are there any moments better than when happiness in its wild form is released from us and envelopes ourselves and others?

I understand this character in your wonderful poem. Perhaps we all relate at certain times. The sorrow for me is the feeling that such a precious giving part of the life experience is buried in this individual, literally caged and wasted to some extent.

Then the elusive "right signal". Where is the key to unlock the core of it and dig through the layers of sediment? No one else can truly hold it for us - it is something we have to do ourselves and it isn't always easy within that "turbulent river".

"Not yet..." expresses hope as it isn't "never", yet it can be a recurring mantra to avoid the sometimes vulnerable metamorphosis from chrysalis to butterfly.

So beautiful.

[Lori]

Serendipity

blissfully
unaware
that you’ve actually
lost it
you spend a whole day in the mountains

oh those magical scottish highlands
where the scene changes faster than your breathing
and the drama is loud as it strums under your skin
there are no paths
no trails
no signs
to follow
just the call of your bird-soul
as you mindfully hop
from island to island
of strong grass clumps
in the squelchy swamp
of this boggy land

and after a day of wandering
inside a timeless silver screen
of colours wild as your heart
your weary boots with soggy socks
lead you back to
where you started
in the morning

and then

a hundred yards from your
car

you look down

as you mindfully hop
from island to island
of strong grass clumps
in the squelchy swamp
of this boggy land
with no paths
no trails
no signs to follow

and you see

lying there casually
in the grass
as a matter of fact
oh wow

your
car key

~ AP

Isn't this just lovely? Thank you for the beautiful escape into a stunning world-left-behind sort of place.

where the scene changes faster than your breathing
and the drama is loud as it strums under your skin

Absolutely delicious, my friend! I almost feel the air and am refreshed by it. I'm skipping along beside you, breathing in beauty after beauty. I so love the "calling of your bird-soul". Just yummy.

And then the ending. Such a laugh. Love this colorful journey.

[Dee]

Beautiful and sad, Mz. A.

For me, "its power and wild form hardly detectable" hit so uniquely and descriptively. To think of the burning core of happiness this way is very interesting and deeply spot on. Are there any moments better than when happiness in its wild form is released from us and envelopes ourselves and others?

I understand this character in your wonderful poem. Perhaps we all relate at certain times. The sorrow for me is the feeling that such a precious giving part of the life experience is buried in this individual, literally caged and wasted to some extent.

Thank you, Mz Lori. You’ve gotten to the heart of it all.

Then the elusive "right signal". Where is the key to unlock the core of it and dig through the layers of sediment? No one else can truly hold it for us - it is something we have to do ourselves and it isn't always easy within that "turbulent river".

That’s just it. It’s really hard, but we have to do it ourselves. Waiting for the « right signal » the « right time » is basically deferring, it’s bs, but because it’s so hard to swim in turbulent waters, it’s easier to find excuses (seemingly or even arguably valid reasons) to stay back and wait, even if it is a miserable existence, but it is now familiar, and doesn’t require any effort and bravery. Keep on waiting for the « right signal »… something that will change circumstances that are seen as the cause of unhappiness. Sadly, especially as we get older, circumstances are unlikely to ease upon us. The windows of ease get less and less frequent and smaller and smaller. So there’s really no point waiting. A bit like when we decide to go swimming in a cold lake, because the lake is there, inviting, and our minds are telling us we should not waste the opportunity … we can delay it, try to ease ourselves into the cold water inch by inch, but at the end of it all, we either turn back and say « nah, I’m just going to paddle » or we need to take the plunge which will start with a cold shock and only then we can start reaping the rewards.

"Not yet..." expresses hope as it isn't "never", yet it can be a recurring mantra to avoid the sometimes vulnerable metamorphosis from chrysalis to butterfly.

Exactly. There’s a faint hope but it’s ultimately a sad sad situation.

So beautiful.

Thank you, Lori.

[Dee]

Thank you also for your lovely comments on Serendipity. I’m do glad you enjoyed reading it and thank you for taking the time to reflect. A true story, a very happy and unforgettable day. And a really miraculous ending!

It’s been so lovely to get back into writing again.

Now over to you my lovely Pips! (Partners in Poetry )

[Moonchime]

First and foremost Dee I must congratulate you on producing a poem with this title. As you may well have guessed I have struggled with the word - maybe because although I know in theory what it means I don't think I've ever heard it used and it confounds me.
Anyway to your lovely wild romp in the wilds of Scotland.

Serendipity

oh those magical scottish highlands
where the scene changes faster than your breathing
and the drama is loud as it strums under your skin
there are no paths
no trails
no signs
to follow
just the call of your bird-soul
as you mindfully hop
from island to island
of strong grass clumps
in the squelchy swamp
of this boggy land

I love the vigour of this verse and the way it appeals not only to our sense of sight but also our sense of hearing - the mention of breathing brings to mind the effort and sound made with the exertion of an animated walk "strumming" under the skin. The short staccato lines which follow make me feel that I'm there striding out turning this way and that in my delight.

and after a day of wandering
inside a timeless silver screen
of colours wild as your heart

That last line is a vivid image of the the ever-changing hues of the wild and how they make the heart come alive. The alliteration of "squelchy swamp" and "soggy socks" is also great fun and appeals to the sense of touch - yuk!!

The repetition adds to the sense of exhaustion and achievement at the end of the walk. All that action in blissful ignorance.
How wonderful to discover the car key and never have known it was missing!!! Brilliant.


~ AP

[Moonchime]

Your Happiness

is an elusive barbel hiding
deep in the dark waters
its power and wild form
hardly detectable
in the tangle of confusing weed
and the murky undercurrents
of a turbulent river
it is still
so still
waiting for the right signal to emerge
but not yet
not yet

not
just
yet

~ AP

I felt the emotion in this powerful piece and love the metaphor of the barbel in the river although I do have to admit that I had to look up the meaning of barbel!!
There is very little I can add to the excellent review that Lori has written - happiness is such a complicated thing - or maybe that's the problem - we think it's complex when really we hold the power within ourselves to nurture it, but sometimes we just get too lost in our fear and become paralysed, unable to move in any direction.

Thank you Dee for such a thought provoking piece - I really enjoyed reading it.

Funny you comment (as a simile I know but...)on the wild swim - it's supposed to be really helpful with mental health. Cold therapy - now there's a whole new discussion.

[Dee]

Lovely to have you back from your travels, Mz Moonchime! Thank you for the lovely comments about my latest musings,I’m glad you enjoyed them. And hey, now you also know what a barbel is! Such an amazing creature.

It’s interesting that both you and Lori liked the description of the beauty and exhilarating nature of the highland mountains, whilst I was thinking that the poem might be too long, it could do with some serious editing/cutting down, as perhaps I was trying to do too much in it: such as telling a funny story, but also waxing poetic about the highlands. But perhaps it works as it is after all. I did want the contrast of the sublime and the silly, and I also felt that the repetition at the end was effective, because whilst the words are the same, the context and meaning becomes different and the repetition helps building suspense. So maybe I just leave it as it is.

Thank you again for reading and taking the time the review it.

[Dee]

Now it’s really your turn, ladies, because I’m already ready with the next prompt!

PS: And I’ve also read the next chapter of Underland!