Short Poems from a Metaphor

[Lori]

The subject of grief found me agonising and constantly drifting down different avenues - one of which was personification - still in the making but if I don't post this soon I will drive myself to distraction!!
Grief

It’s staring into the forever well
where voices from the past
bounce off weeping walls
and the stone you drop never sounds

it’s the tide unseen
swallowing your unfinished sandcastle
and the seventh wave that smacks you
breathless and beached.

It’s the wound that flares
at the hint of perfume on an old jumper
or a snatch of that song
the time of our Sunday phone call.

It’s the scar
That you trace
Etched in the lines
Of a face that you loved...

KK

Mz. K, I read this last night and had to snap my computer shut. It's just that raw and real. The first verse took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I can hardly touch this, my friend. Each cascading thought nears perfection and you truly relay so eloquently this stark emotion. The way grief surprises you through scent or a song, days of the week - that hallowed routine love creates. From "the forever well" to the scar you trace...this deep dive into grief is beautifully crafted.

[Dee]

The subject of grief found me agonising and constantly drifting down different avenues - one of which was personification - still in the making but if I don't post this soon I will drive myself to distraction!!

Grief

It’s staring into the forever well
where voices from the past
bounce off weeping walls
and the stone you drop never sounds

it’s the tide unseen
swallowing your unfinished sandcastle
and the seventh wave that smacks you
breathless and beached.

It’s the wound that flares
at the hint of perfume on an old jumper
or a snatch of that song
the time of our Sunday phone call.

It’s the scar
That you trace
Etched in the lines
Of a face that you loved...

KK

OMG, Mz K. Wasn’t that worth the long wait? I’m so glad you’ve posted and decided to share this treasure. Just like Mz S, I’m in awe how you’ve managed to capture this very complex emotion in your poem. And just like Mz S, it’s the first verse that bowled me over.

It’s staring into the forever well
where voices from the past
bounce off weeping walls
and the stone you drop never sounds

This is perfection, Mz K!! In fact, the poem could well stop here for me, as it has encompassed so much already in the imagery chosen, with lethal precision. A masterpiece in four concise lines. The desolate helplessness of it is so tangible, it has overwhelmed me with an unexpected force. I’m not sure whether a congratulation is appropriate for such pextraordinary writing when it has stemmed from such extortionate pain.

[Moonchime]

Thank you so much Mz Dee and Mz Lori - I am always humbled by your incredibly perceptive comments and touched by your reactions. You are safe hands indeed.

I too felt that the first verse had the most impact and I wondered if it would have been better as a stand alone but that is what is so difficult to decide and sometimes you just need a bit more distance and time.

[Iris]

Mz K, I read this some weeks ago but, like Mz Lori, had to take myself away from it to process the hideous reminder of grief's debilitation. You capture it all so billiantly, so poignantly, so painfully. I am in total awe. Thank you so very much for sharing this tender musing.

[Moonchime]

Thank you Mz Iris - you're very kind. I know you have done a little writing of late - I look forward to you dabbling in the bay again.