Playing with Poetry

[Moonchime]

Ah what joy it is to have such sympathetic ears in these waters and such painstaking analysis!!!!

I laughed when you said "highly entertained" because all sorts of undesirable things entertain but then you added the last part so I hoped all was not lost

It is heart- warming to know that whatever effort one makes it is received with encouragement and kindness and that helps me to press "submit" each time. I also love that you felt the beat as well - but then you and Mz Dee are true musicians.

I so love to feel a piece has hit its mark and found understanding in another PIC.

Thank you so much Lori. Very much appreciated.

[DawnFae]

We are the ones who find
your missing parts,
wake your sleeping hearts,
and break the locks
that bind you.

Dear MC, I love love these lines!

We need to be set free from our bonds especially the ones we are not aware of!
Poetry or art in general is a wonderful way to do just that and so much more!

Thank you for these precious gems!

[Moonchime]

We need to be set free from our bonds especially the ones we are not aware of!
Poetry or art in general is a wonderful way to do just that and so much more!

Thank you for these precious gems!

You're very welcome and thank you so much DF for your kind words of encouragement and wisdom. You always have an eye for the lessons we might learn. I think those lines may be my favourite too. It's great that the harbour extends our world and gives us a window onto others. Thank you again.

[Moonchime]

Ok, ladies, I'm on a roll now. The second assignment was to have a go at ‘Terminals’.
This terrified me, I think because I had to keep to a set structure and felt I needed to retain the rhythm.

Hidden lives how silently thou art—
Sleeping roughly deep into the night
Humankind doth render you apart,
Clothing you with mantles Eremite,
Sadly not a much-desired task
Dragging souls like yours upon our shores,
Peeping through society's given mask
Desolate in spirit, like bleak moors—
Hopeless status quo unchangeable,
Mothers push you harshly from the breast,
Yearning doth inside your belly swell,
Gentle souls in turmoil feel unrest,
Battling to offer you sweet breath,
Hush, too late for now approacheth death.

Bring on the terror Mz Iris it suits your flow of creativity well!!!
I know only too well how challenging this exercise is - I mean do you know anyone who knows what "eremite" means? Using that word and "breast" in the same poem was no easy task and yet you have managed not just to do it but to do it well!

It is thoughtfully and creatively put together with a consistent metre that gives it a gentle flow. Strangely enough one of my favourite lines is "Clothing you with mantles Eremite" because it really puts the vocabulary of "Eremite" and "mantles" to work creating a vivid image of outcast.
Another powerful line for me is "Yearning doth inside your belly swell," because it creates such a physical sensation as you read it.

A great poem Mz Iris - I look forward to others!!!

[Moonchime]

So now from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Long time ago when ‘are’ was ‘art’
A poet struggled through the night
‘Cause from his love he was apart
(Forlorn reluctant eremite)

He set himself a hefty task
Lamenting on the distant shores
To live his life without a mask
Be like a star over the moors

He longed to be unchangeable
Attached to his wife’s saggy breast
(Which he called ‘ripening’ - oh swell : )
To hell with sleep! he craved unrest

Till he would draw his final breath
(‘Cause good poems are all ‘bout death.)
[/i]

What a brilliant spoof Mz Dee and such FUN!!

I love the different "take" and you have made it work so well. Your metre (yes I'm going there) works perfectly for the structure of your verses and I have nothing but respect for the skill in using Eremite with such meaning and relevance. Great line that one!!
My favourite verse is the second because it flows so well and seems so appropriate and easy to visualise - yes I can see a poet behaving in exactly that way. A vivid image indeed!!
The final two lines are the perfect ending and so clever - bravo!!!

Does Will understand now?

[Moonchime]

What The Hell

mounting panic
breeding ground for terror
seize control
the president flees
without a fight
the capital falls

fearful faces
go find a burqa
women burn everything
you have achieved
heroes who sacrificed
what did they die for

The title is perfect for the subject matter and the poem, short as requested, packs a punch in the metaphorical and literal sense.

I particularly like the flexibility of the lines in the second verse - "fearful faces
go find a burqa" as you can read it as the women with "fearful faces" going to find a burqa in anticipation, or as the Taliban making the order to go and find one. The short lines create a staccato effect like a series of rapid firing with that searing, perennial, horribly painful question at the end.
A successful, if depressing, exercise in the use of words and phrases from the news.

I have to admit I very deliberately decided to steer away from Afghanistan (and I knew you had used it) as the source for my poem but well done to you.

[Dee]

My dear Moonchime, thank you so much for these lovely and so generously detailed responses to my two little exercises: the first that was so much fun to write and the second that was practically draining my spirit - but a very useful exercise and a true documentation of how most of the world felt on August 16. I was trying to make a point with putting the “you have achieved” in its own line just above the final question - to imply that the nation, and women in particular have achieved an awful lot - and our heroes have in fact not died for nothing - but for enabling these achievements. And despite some very troubling news coming out of Afghanistan, I’m still hoping that even with this horrendous reset we won’t go back to what it was like twenty years ago.

It’s been really lovely to learn which lines/parts have grabbed you and I’m particularly pleased you were impressed by my use of meter. I think this is one of the gifts I will take from this course - that it’s fun to write in meter.

Oh, and yes, Will now understands the poem!

Creating poetry from snippets of other writing - that’s certainly another fun tool. Using the news headlines about the Taliban takeover perhaps wasn’t the greatest idea - you’ve done well to stay well clear of that subject matter. So can we now please see what you have done with these two exercises, MzK? The suspense is killing me!

[Iris]

Argggh! Those peer reviews! I've had some very giving and helpful reviews in the past and then some that were so out of touch with where I thought I was going, I simply threw up my hands.

I am sorry for not joining in on the course to which this thread is dedicated. Some of you know that I lost my father recently and had planned a huge function in a far-away small town to celebrate his life this past week, and it got cancelled due to COVID in the family. I'm exhausted and working my way back to brain space. All family members are doing well and we thankfully avoided being super-spreaders. I am enjoying what you all have written and the challenges they are throwing at you! Next time...

Dear Mz S, so sorry to hear of your recent challenges in life. Grief is such an overwhelming process without the added difficulties that a pandemic presents. Go gently and be kind to yourself.

[Iris]

Thu Aug 26, 2021 5:40 pm

Poetry - Who are You?

We are the words grown ripe
for the picking
that tumble in your head
and stop you
Dead

We are the ones who find
your missing parts,
wake your sleeping hearts,
and break the locks
that bind you.

We are the ones that set free
the hidden tears,
the nightmare fears,
and the dragon Roar
inside you.

We are the ones that Light
the view on
a face you once knew,
That raise the mist
that blinds you.

We are the words grown ripe
to be picked
Take a Lick.

KK

Oh my word, I am stunned by the brilliance that this is, Mz K! Every time I read it, something new strikes me. It's like I've met a new friend and each time we meet again, I find out something more about her and have a greater understanding.

I keep changing my mind, at each "meeting" about which are my favourite lines.
At first reading, it was . . .

We are the ones that set free
the hidden tears,
the nightmare fears,
and the dragon Roar
inside you.

The idea that poetry can soothe and release negative emotions really resonates.
I love the image of the internal dragon Roar as it gives the feeling such strength and power.

We are the ones that Light
the view on
a face you once knew,
That raise the mist
that blinds you.

Today, this is the verse that stuns me. I read it as though life, experiences have changed us from innocence but that poetic words can somehow lift the veil (mist) and our pure essence is revealed. Oh my, could burst my heart!

I agree with Mz Dee that the rhythm in that first verse, especially, is loud and clear. It's impossible to read it without feeling you are beating a drum. See, all that djembe practice has paid off!

Mz Moonchime, thank you so much for sharing this. I have lots to learn about poetry but reading yours and Mz Dee's creations is giving me such insight and inspiration!

[Lori]

Dear Mz S, so sorry to hear of your recent challenges in life. Grief is such an overwhelming process without the added difficulties that a pandemic presents. Go gently and be kind to yourself.

Thanks so much for your very kind words, Mz. I. It has been overwhelming for sure. I remain one of the lucky ones with a true support structure and love in my life. There are so many who've suffered greatly recently without those loving underpinnings.

I've been working on attaining an intentional peace, actively choosing calm each day I wake up rather than the heart-pounding white noise and overwhelm I'd been steeped in for so long. I think we sometimes go through stressful times and retain echoes of situations that harm us on an ongoing basis even after the initial event is long past. It is freeing to fetter these internal voices out and deny them strength - particularly those things we cannot change and situations in which we gave our best. Our best has to be good enough. Much like cleaning out a room, it is necessary to kick those things out and give them less of a throne from which to rule us. One can try anyway...

I appreciate you!

[Moonchime]

Every time I read it, something new strikes me. It's like I've met a new friend and each time we meet again, I find out something more about her and have a greater understanding.

I so love that you've said (and felt) that Mz Iris - I can think of no greater accolade than someone seeing something new each time they read a piece and you've expressed it so beautifully - a great metaphor. So pleased.

It is so heart-warming to find such reflective reviewing and perceptive comments that seek out the very soul of a word/line/verse. Your clarifications and thoughts are sensitive and incisive and help me to see the ripples on the water!

I think that's what David Musgrove's t-shirt was all about, "Poets Suck," because that's what we've been doing here - both as writers and readers - sucking the very life out of words and drawing out every last bit of flavour they can give us.

Thank you again Mz Iris.

[Dee]

I think that's what David Musgrove's t-shirt was all about, "Poets Suck," because that's what we've been doing here - both as writers and readers - sucking the very life out of words and drawing out every last bit of flavour they can give us.

That's a great thought and hasn't even occurred to me besides looking at it as a provocative t shirt! Clever! Suck the very life out of words... or ... take a lick? I think I prefer to "take a lick"!