Summoning Yourself - What Only You Know

[Dee]

I've been thinking and thinking.

It's so interesting to me how we can get stuck with an idea. Like in this poem, we were supposed to follow a simple structure, set by the example, in which some people know stuff - and then the ending that provides contrast of the other people who don't. In the prompt poem this lack of knowing is actually super important and the point of the poem. I tried to work with the structure, and though I've softened my contrast and turned it around, it has still managed to create a contrast, but actually, given the poem I've ended up writing, creating this contrast was not at all important to me, therefore why do it at all?

Whilst I'm indeed immensely grateful that the experience described in the poem is not shared by every woman, the poem was not about that. It was about the experience. Therefore the ending indeed feels forced.

So I had to go back to what I really wanted to say here, with recalling this experience. And how I could link it to the sisterbond of all women without overtly explaining it. And what would happen if I just let go of the initially suggested structure of the prompt poem.

So I think I've got my new ending.

And then they get up and carry on.

This changes the whole angle of the poem, and I think it manages to get across what I meant to say about women's solidarity way better. Because even though some women have not experienced this particular kind of pain, there are plenty of other equally devastating pain that they would know instead. And what unites us, is that despite everything we know and have experienced, we get up and carry on. I was wondering about wording this sentiment more elaborately, but in the end I really liked the complete matter-of-factness and everydayness of it.

Can I just say it again how grateful I am for your reviews, my friends?

[Dee]

The last verse packs rather a lot in and has more generalisations - so I can visualise a crafty little you pretending to be asleep, but how to make friends/ fit in, absorb poetry and perform are dealt with in broad sweeps making them harder to see, but then we return to the charming image of the little girl holding hands in the penultimate line and finally the joy of make-believe.

Totally fair comment, and I've decided to go back to rectify it. So my last verse now reads:


how to pretend to sleep in the rest hour
how to have secrets and how to fit in
how to recite poetry, how to sing my heart out
how to hold a boyfriend’s trembling hand in mine
how to tame butterflies living inside my tum
and how to play make-believe, the best game of all

Thanks, Moonchime!

[Lori]

I've been thinking and thinking.

It's so interesting to me how we can get stuck with an idea. Like in this poem, we were supposed to follow a simple structure, set by the example, in which some people know stuff - and then the ending that provides contrast of the other people who don't. In the prompt poem this lack of knowing is actually super important and the point of the poem. I tried to work with the structure, and though I've softened my contrast and turned it around, it has still managed to create a contrast, but actually, given the poem I've ended up writing, creating this contrast was not at all important to me, therefore why do it at all?

Whilst I'm indeed immensely grateful that the experience described in the poem is not shared by every woman, the poem was not about that. It was about the experience. Therefore the ending indeed feels forced.

So I had to go back to what I really wanted to say here, with recalling this experience. And how I could link it to the sisterbond of all women without overtly explaining it. And what would happen if I just let go of the initially suggested structure of the prompt poem.

So I think I've got my new ending.

And then they get up and carry on.

This changes the whole angle of the poem, and I think it manages to get across what I meant to say about women's solidarity way better. Because even though some women have not experienced this particular kind of pain, there are plenty of other equally devastating pain that they would know instead. And what unites us, is that despite everything we know and have experienced, we get up and carry on. I was wondering about wording this sentiment more elaborately, but in the end I really liked the complete matter-of-factness and everydayness of it.

Can I just say it again how grateful I am for your reviews, my friends?

Well, friend, par usual I missed that part of the example - a turn-around ending. Both of your endings impart the sentiment you intended and work beautifully within these parameters. I do like your new ending that speaks universally that women have the strength to persevere through these things. Plus, for me, after all that came before, it leaves the reader with the question, “How?” How can a woman survive this type of sorrow coupled with the physical reminders, etc. The answer is “strength” and I like that!

To clarify, I also deeply understood the “aching mess” section as you intended immediately as it was written so completely - then I added my own expansion on the reverberation of the verse for me in my review.

The beauty of this piece and your writing in general is that it is so very deliciously complete. So for me I didn’t crave a line further than “Some women know”. That doesn’t make the final line a negative - I was just in a different space. I like your revision line too in that it also shows strength or, if nothing else, the necessity of not staying in that deep blue place because life still calls us.

I read the piece out loud for my COVID buddy and he audibly gasped at how good this is and how descriptive the experience is to the extent HE felt it and perhaps was enlightened by the significance and intensive nature of this walk a lot of women have faced.

So, there you have it. Complete, amazing, organic, giving, and heart-breaking!

[Dee]

I'm truly humbled by the above, Mz S. Thank you so much. It's so heartwarming to know that the words and emotions you've arranged and released have landed in someone else's cradling hands and understanding hearts. It is also wonderful to know a man can resonate with the poem, through our universal human experience of both despair and empathy. Of course, it's often overlooked how the events described in the poem affect the father, with all focus on the woman. The devastation they feel is actually another pit of the same hell.

It's very interesting to contemplate how the poem would in fact work without the much thought about last line... I'm more inclined to keep it in for now, and make the poem about strength rather than the sinking. On another day I might end up deleting it... The beauty of not having a poem printed. Just letting it breathe and evolve. I often wonder how hard it is to settle on a final edit.

It's very different from doing land art. There the time and the materials used give you constraints. You need to say at some point: it's done. And then you can photograph it, but you will need to either leave or deconstruct your actual artwork. All that's left in the end is a memory of the creation, and a photograph that might or might not do the real thing justice. But what's done is done, you can't ever change it. Poetry for an unpublished writer means you can forever shape and polish your creations. There might never be a final edit, only the latest edit.

The finite and the infinite - I think I love both ways of creating for being the direct opposite of the other!

[Moonchime]

The beauty of not having a poem printed. Just letting it breathe and evolve. I often wonder how hard it is to settle on a final edit.

Ah I think I would (maybe will) go mad trying to decide on what is "final" - it might just be a relief to know you can't change things anymore. I'm sure that lots of poetry might be different if it were approached at a different point in a person's life/mood - but maybe that doesn't matter. Anyway I don't think there is really a finite point because once someone else reads it you've handed over interpretation for better or for worse - so at that point it might have more lives than it otherwise might have because it is flying free from its creator!!!
I have got several versions of some things and that can be fruitful and annoying because ultimately I want to feel the poem is resolved - if that's the right word - at least from my own point of creation if not from someone else's. You definitely need distance sometimes don't you? And helpful mermaids. Ah the pain of creation!

I do think Dee that you are right in finding joy in both these your very different forms of art - there is something of a relief in creating something which cannot be preserved in the same way as the printed word methinks.

[Moonchime]

Another wonderful piece, Mz. K. I found the last line abrupt in a fitting way as it left me knowing the fare in which these individuals are partaking is not cake at all but rather tainted rubbish. You've beautifully described their "cake" which on the surface a lot of us envy but in practice is a difficult web to keep spinning and seems to be a harsh trade-off for some.

The title is very fitting. I was reasonably sure you were not going to write about your mountain climbing extravaganzas while imbibing marijuana....

Thank you!

Thank you so much Lori for you wonderfully incisive review - it's wonderful to know one's work falls on listening ears and is given such time and thought. As for the title it never occurred to me that you could think of "high" as drug connected - that's just how naïve I can be...
Thinking about it, I think climbing high in the drug sense could definitely bring a whole new dimension about - and if it wasn't so risky it might even benefit the terrified like me!!!
Maybe that is a step too far.

You're right Lori in thinking that the type of person described does not have a life that is without cost - because even that cake has a high price, and in chasing the material world other things are always lost - things that can't be bought by money or greed. Even as I wrote it I thought - this person isn't happy - but they can't escape the pursuit of wealth because they have become so accustomed to thinking that it equates to happiness and they simply can't break free of it.

I have messed about with the ending after Dee expressed her doubts and written an alternative - I don't know which I prefer. For this version you must pronounce "class" with a long vowel sound.
It could finish afer ar.. or where it does finish. Thoughts?

To be linked in
To be a lynch pin
To be in the right class
with their head up
their own ar..
to be full of vanity
and to somehow,
somewhere,
have lost
their
humanity.



Thanks again Mermaids.

[Moonchime]

And then they get up and carry on.

Dee your new ending is more inclusive than the previous one and although the first one has impact I agree with Lori that it creates a jolt in the reader that changes the mood, so I think your reasoning for the change is sound and creates quite a different feel. I think it's great that your experimentation with the instructions has given you so much food for thought and made you realise that the exact same format as modelled didn't serve your purpose.


how to pretend to sleep in the rest hour
how to have secrets and how to fit in
how to recite poetry, how to sing my heart out
how to hold a boyfriend’s trembling hand in mine
how to tame butterflies living inside my tum
and how to play make-believe, the best game of all


Hurray - Yes this is has some lovely specific images and I can see you reciting poetry so loudly and clearly that I fancy you must give me a recital sometime - but in English!!!

At what point did you recite "poetry" that was more difficult as opposed to nursery rhyme type poetry?

[Dee]

I have messed about with the ending after Dee expressed her doubts and written an alternative - I don't know which I prefer. For this version you must pronounce "class" with a long vowel sound.
It could finish afer ar.. or where it does finish. Thoughts?


To be linked in
To be a lynch pin
To be in the right class
with their head up
their own ar..
to be full of vanity
and to somehow,
somewhere,
have lost
their
humanity.

Love it. Except for two alterations:

1. You must write arse out in full. Or ass. Lol.

2. You have lost two brilliant lines which I think you should reinstate.

So how about:

To be in the money
To be linked in
To be a lynch pin
with feet under the table
and fingers in pies
To be in the right class
with their head up
their own arse
to be full of vanity
and to somehow,
somewhere,
have lost
their
humanity.



What do you think?

[Dee]

Thank you for your feedback on my alterations, Mz K, and I’m glad to hear you approve!

I’d be happy to try and recite poetry again - though I’m not sure I’d be good at it in English. I guess we won’t know until I try it. Perhaps after this Covid nonsense is over and we have moved to our new house, we could do a poetry appreciation night?

In Hungary they push us to do recitals from a very early age. Less confident children are probably terrified, but overall I think it’s done everyone a lot of good to learn so many poems by heart. We didn’t just learn nursery rhymes. There are many fantastic poets who’ve created a wealth of amazing poetry even for the very young.
If I’d have to pick just one thing what I’m proudest of as a Hungarian, I think I’d pick our poetry. And I’m immensely grateful for this immersion in it, practically starting in the cradle.

[Peggy]

Thank you, Agi, for the Kindergarten idea!! So many memories have rushed me that when I will have the time and the strength, I will write about that period instead of the university

[Dee]

Thank you, Agi, for the Kindergarten idea!! So many memories have rushed me that when I will have the time and the strength, I will write about that period instead of the university

Brilliant! Looking forward to it, Mz D!

[Moonchime]

Thank you for your comments on the ending of my poem Dee - Yes I am happy to reinstate those lines - I'm always hesitant about overdoing things with too many lines but I quite liked them although I do have another version where I extend some lines as you originally suggested!!!!
As for writing out arse in full - could do - it's not that I'm coy about it - I just like the excitement of coming across a word you have to provide but I don't think I'm precious about it.
Thank you for your help.