Book #3 - The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

[Moonchime]

Well I guess that gives other mermaids carte blanche eh?

[Dee]

It's not like all mermaids haven't had carte blanche already... free to read, free not to read, free to comment any time on anything...

The chapter by chapter thing worked initially, but then life got in the way. It's cool. That's why it's a Lazy Book Club.

I have a lot to say, but I'm gonna wait for you guys to go first, so I won't spoil anything.

[Lori]

So, not so lazy book club, huh? Huh?

I have been reading on the plane and will read the above when I’ve finished this chapter. I seem to be the tortoise, but I am enjoying the book.

Truly, in spite of the fact discussing each chapter is golden, I will hold no deep debilitating rancor if you all trounce ahead. It would be so hard to remember with chapters blending into each other. If one spends too much time away, it is necessary to reread the previous chapter I think! So going too slow is difficult - I have been remiss and SUPER lazy and for that I semi-apologize. (I only fully apologize if I inflict bodily harm.). Beautiful book, beautiful ladies! I am sad at the turn of events with his son . I think I will have some long moments late nite to read...we shall see! More later. Dance in uncomfortable shoes until then...

[Moonchime]

I stopped trouncing ahead because I felt bad



I am re-reading.

I hate to admit it but I changed my shoes before I started dancing - my pain threshold is low!

[Moonchime]

Ok so I think I have read up to the point I had read several weeks ago "Die Laughing" and am ready to continue but meanwhile here are some of my thoughts so far.

A Joy Forever - where I started again.

I forgot to say how that quote already mentioned by Dee also struck me:

“Life is Butiful”. At first our reaction is rather one of “Bless” and then as Leo thinks about the truth of it you begin to think about it too and realise that so often as you acknowledge the beauty of life there is so often a “but”; something that Leo’s character almost constantly gives emphasis to by the frequently used – And Yet. Is it the human condition to never really be satisfied no matter what blessings or fortunes come our way?

Of course Leo has never got over losing the love of his life and yet who knows if he would have been happier if he had remained with her and grown old?
How many times have our lives turned on a moment, a look, a word, a meeting, a perception, being too early or too late:

“The moment had passed, the door between the lives we could have led and the lives we had had shut in our faces.”
And yet Leo is still able to appreciate the small things:
“A feeling of happiness nudged my heart. That I can wake up each morning and warm my hands on a hot cup of tea. That I can watch the pigeons fly. That at the end of my life Bruno has not forgotten me.”
I think if you can always hold onto the joy of the small and everyday then there is always hope.

Nicole Krauss is, I feel, an acute observer of human nature and perceptions. In “The Trouble with Thinking” she says of Litvinoff on not speaking:
“It wasn’t so much that he was ill, as that there was something he wished to say. The more time passed, the more he longed to say it, and the more impossible saying it became.”
How often in life do we put things off –especially those things that we are afraid of doing or saying for some reason? Each time we avoid whatever it is, we strengthen the fear holding us back; so it is with Litvinoff- every time he almost speaks something stops him and the “nearly” is lost in a wave of panic and apprehension, and the “never” creeps ever closer.

A key skill Krauss uses is that of exploring language and life through the fictional book of one of her characters. Hence we get passages from the THOL that enable her to deepen our knowledge of the story she is telling through the story of her fictional author:

“So many words get lost. They leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves.”

It is a wonderful vehicle for the poetry of her language. She then describes how there used to be time when people used pieces of string to guide their words so that they might not falter on their way to their destinations:
“The physical distance between two people using a string was often small; sometimes the smaller the distance, the greater the need for the string.”

I felt this was such an original and clever way of making the reader think about listening and how difficult it can be, even for those very close, or maybe especially those, to do it well.

[Dee]

“Life is Butiful”. At first our reaction is rather one of “Bless” and then as Leo thinks about the truth of it you begin to think about it too and realise that so often as you acknowledge the beauty of life there is so often a “but”; something that Leo’s character almost constantly gives emphasis to by the frequently used – And Yet. Is it the human condition to never really be satisfied no matter what blessings or fortunes come our way?

All that in a small little subconscious slip of spelling, isn't that just wonderful? Funny old word and concept 'but' is... it can bring you down, it can also lift you up.

[Dee]

Of course Leo has never got over losing the love of his life and yet who knows if he would have been happier if he had remained with her and grown old?

I think the answer to that is a resounding yes. I think Alma would have been happier too. And their son, Isaac. He seemed to have died alone, no partner, no children. I find their story so tragic, exactly because fate has torn them apart, and deprived them all from true happiness they could have only had together.

[Dee]

“The physical distance between two people using a string was often small; sometimes the smaller the distance, the greater the need for the string.”

I felt this was such an original and clever way of making the reader think about listening and how difficult it can be, even for those very close, or maybe especially those, to do it well.

I also loved this part, so much. In fact, all quotes from THOL are just fantastic, aren't they?

[Moonchime]

I think the answer to that is a resounding yes. I think Alma would have been happier too. And their son, Isaac. He seemed to have died alone, no partner, no children. I find their story so tragic, exactly because fate has torn them apart, and deprived them all from true happiness they could have only had together.

Ah Dee you're such a romantic! What you say is so interesting because it is central to our beliefs on how easy it is to attain happiness. So are you of the belief that there can be only one true love in a life and if that one is not found or able to be fulfilled, that life and those affected by it cannot achieve true happiness, only some shadow of it?

So many people believe they have found their one true love, only to have something come between them - or maybe to be rejected by the object of that love; some of them may find happiness with someone else or in some other way, otherwise it is a damned state indeed, making happiness very much dependent on external factors and out of the control of the individual.
So much of "wise" advice centres on a person being in the present and not in the past or the future; mindfulness of the here and the now as the only certain thing we possess.

Just exploring ideas and throwing them out there!


You are right of course that the premise of the book wants us to hold onto that early first love and believe in its exclusive beauty and power far beyond the time it first took hold. It is the basis of all that follows; the raison d'etre of the story; from the wild rantings of a lonely old man, through to the troubles of his great friend, to the young girl trying desperately to make sense of her family and emotions; everything that happens is tied into that time of a first love and the story it begat: The History of Love.


I have finished the book now and have really enjoyed it. I suspect I should read it again as it is one of those books that eludes complete comprehension in the first reading; it reminds me of those children's books by Anthony Browne, you get an overall impression of a page and then realise there is so much more than you thought and you no sooner notice one thing before another jumps out at you. There is so much detail to unpick from some passages, especially where there are sections of THOL.

We go on an emotional journey with every character and witness Alma growing up and eventually realising that she can never make her mother happy in the way she wants - she realises that her mother does not want to change her life - does not want the sort of happiness that Alma thought she should/could have;

I finally understood that no matter what I did, or who I found, I - he - none of us - would ever be able to win over the memories she had of Dad, memories that soothed even as they made her sad, because she'd built a world out of them she knew how to survive in, even if no-one else could.

A real development indeed - the understanding that sometimes we choose the prisons we live in; the walls that keep us safe; that it is not just lack of opportunity that keeps us still.
Isn't Alma's mother in a similar time warp as Leo? Both of them not wanting to find other ways/people but to make the past their present? Both wanting to hold the sadness in their souls because at least then they felt they had not completely lost what they treasured most? To move on was to begin to create an emotional distance they could not bear to create; the sadness was a form of contentment; something they had made space for in their lives.

Of course with Alma's mother that has a huge impact on the lives of her children; Bird creates an image of a father who is larger than life and Alma begins to question whether she has made things worse in trying to pacify him with anything that came into her head. Far-reaching consequences from simple beginnings.

For Leo there is the agony, and constant reminder of his loss, of the son who he is never able to get close to and declare his love for; a son whom he never gets to look in the eye as a father; how cruel a fate for him to have to learn to live with and how difficult for him to ever move beyond that because as long as he thought his son was alive there was still hope of a relationship.

I did question some of the parts with Bird's thinking at the end, perhaps because I felt it was close to being overdone in parts, but then children do think in some convoluted ways so maybe it was just me getting impatient, and wanting the threads to come together quicker than they did, although I do think Bird comes across as younger than the twelve years he is in the final chapters. Poor Misha comes to enquire about Alma and Bird takes him at his word when he tells him not to bother telling her he came and so a new misfortune is sown; perhaps another love thwarted.

I thought Nicole Krauss' drawing together of all the strands was masterful and her use of the different voices coming together in the last chapter very powerful and poignant. The ending gave some sense of closure and satisfaction but what I liked most about the book was the use of language; the poetry in expressing observations of behaviour and everyday life; the ways in which she was able to make you think about things in a new way and lead you to recognise what you half knew; to throw sunlight on some of the shadows your mind.

A very thought-provoking read.

PS - did you notice Nicole Krauss referencing herself in the section about the flood or I am hallucinating?

[Dee]

Ah Dee you're such a romantic! What you say is so interesting because it is central to our beliefs on how easy it is to attain happiness. So are you of the belief that there can be only one true love in a life and if that one is not found or able to be fulfilled, that life and those affected by it cannot achieve true happiness, only some shadow of it?

So many people believe they have found their one true love, only to have something come between them - or maybe to be rejected by the object of that love; some of them may find happiness with someone else or in some other way, otherwise it is a damned state indeed, making happiness very much dependent on external factors and out of the control of the individual.
So much of "wise" advice centres on a person being in the present and not in the past or the future; mindfulness of the here and the now as the only certain thing we possess.

Just exploring ideas and throwing them out there!


Lots of interesting questions in here, Mz MC.

Do I believe there is only one true love in life for a person? No, I don't.

First of all, as love comes in various forms, I think romantic love is not necessarily the most powerful love in every person's life. It could be that the love of a parent, of a child, of a sibling, a friend, even a pet will be more defining.

I also don't believe that a person can only have one true (romantic) love in their lives. True love being a soul mate. I think some people might encounter more than one in their lifetimes. Especially those who lose a partner early on in their lives.

I also don't believe that there is only one person out there for us who we must find at all cost, or else we can never be happy. I think there are many potentials, we just need to be somewhat lucky, and somewhat wise in recognising the person best suited to us, and then possess and develop a whole bunch of other qualities to make it work with the one we choose.

And I also happen to agree with you that the key to happiness is not locked firmly in with sharing a life with one's true love. It is possible for people to be happy without a true love present in their lives. But for most, there's a natural longing for one, if they haven't already found them.

You are right of course that the premise of the book wants us to hold onto that early first love and believe in its exclusive beauty and power far beyond the time it first took hold. It is the basis of all that follows; the raison d'etre of the story; from the wild rantings of a lonely old man, through to the troubles of his great friend, to the young girl trying desperately to make sense of her family and emotions; everything that happens is tied into that time of a first love and the story it begat: The History of Love.


Yes.

Having summed up my general beliefs on the subject, there are the specific situations in this story.
Here we have a couple of cases when happiness was solidly dependant on sharing a life with someone's true love:

We have Charlotte, who has found a way to function in the world without her husband, but grieving for him is her chosen way to carry him with her. She tried a couple of times to date and decided she had no interest in moving on. She found a kind of contentment in not moving on. It's not happiness, because happiness requires openness and being in the moment, and Charlotte struggles with both of these concepts. But she has settled it with herself that she will carry on living with her grief kept alive, and she has made her peace with that.

Leo has also settled into carrying his love (for Alma and Isaac) and found contentment in accepting that he would never be really happy.

Could we fault these people? For attaching the key to their happiness to being with someone?
One lost her true love to death, one to the cruel twist of fate. A tragic, a drastic turn that they had absolutely no control over.

I said I believed it was possible for someone to find a second true love. But I also believe it's very hard, and therefore very rare. Once you've found someone who is pretty much perfect for you, it's extremely hard to find anyone else later on that can "match up". Hard not to compare. Hard to be so lucky once, never mind twice. Hard to mould yourself to another person, once you've already yielded to another before. Charlotte couldn't do it, and Leo didn't even want to contemplate trying.

There were very strong hints in the book, that Alma had serious regrets. She "settled" for her husband, who was kind to her and supported her in a very difficult situation. She believed Leo to be dead. Once she committed to her husband and had a child with him, she convinced herself that the right thing to do was to stay with him. But she spent her life suppressing her longing for a life with Leo, especially seeing Isaac, Leo's son through and through, and knowing she had deprived him of knowing and sharing his life with his real father too. It's a very tragic story.

[Dee]

I thought Nicole Krauss' drawing together of all the strands was masterful and her use of the different voices coming together in the last chapter very powerful and poignant. The ending gave some sense of closure and satisfaction but what I liked most about the book was the use of language; the poetry in expressing observations of behaviour and everyday life; the ways in which she was able to make you think about things in a new way and lead you to recognise what you half knew; to throw sunlight on some of the shadows your mind.

A brilliant sumup.

[Dee]

Yeah, I have found Bird's meddling a little strenuous too at the end, but he was a very odd and messed up kid, who was trying so hard to do something wonderful. So I went with it, and the outcome was great and it worked. Except for poor Misha of course, but perhaps not all is lost there just yet. Or at least I'd like to think so.